The Kitsune with A Mouth
by Captain Ash
Summary: What happens when out favorite knucklehead ninja starts seeing little yellow boxes? READ TO FIND OUT!
1. Chapter 1

The Kitsune with A Mouth

Naruto and all related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Deadpool and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics

* * *

It was a quiet day in Konohagakure. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and...

"HEY! We get it! Get it's just another boring day in Konoha." A boy no older than 12 shouted to the heavens as he walked up to the Ninja Academy, earning him many odd looks from the other children.

"Hey, the fourth wall ain't gonna break itself." The boy said to no one in particular as he entered the building. He was four feet, ten inches tall, had spiky blond hair, and blue eyes. He also wore a simple red cloth headband, had large black ovals painted around his eyes, wore a red jacket left unzipped with a black Uzumaki swirl on the back, a black shirt, black fingerless gloves red pants, black sandals, and had two butterfly swords strapped to his back.

"What can I say? I've got style." The red clad boy said as he headed for his homeroom.

* * *

"Kiba Inuzka?" One Iruka Umino called as he read over a clipboard.

"Here." A boy with a hooded parka said.

"Naruto Uzumaki?" Silence filled the classroom as all eyes looked to the back of the class warily. All that was therr was an empty seat, so Iruka began to mark Naruto as absent. Suddenly a cloud of red smoke erupted in the empty seat. Once the oddly colored smoke cleared a red clad blond stood in the seat, striking a heroic looking pose.

"I...Have arrived." He said only to receive nervous stares from everyone in the class, minus one Uchiha and a certain Hyuga heiress.

"Alright everyone, these are the teams for this year. When I call your names, report to your jonin sensei." Iruka said as he began to read off the teams.

"I sure feel sorry for whoever gets stuck with Naruto." One pink haired girl thought as she discreetly glanced at the red clad boy who sat a few feet from her, idly toying with a kunai. (A/N: Skipping everyone else but Team 7).

"Team 7 will consist of Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, and Naruto Uzumaki. Your sensei will be Kakashi Hatake." Iruka read off his clipboard.

"I just _know_ we'll be best buddies! _Right_ Sasuke-teme?" Naruto said as he seemingly teleported from his seat in a puff of red and over to his two teammates as he put them in headlocks, smiling madly as the two looked fit to pee their pants.

* * *

Everyone had left with their sensei's. Well every aside from Team 7, who's sensei was 3 hours late. Naruto sat on one side of the room, seemingly carrying on a conversation with himself, while Sasuke and Sakura sat on the far left of the classroom, each looking at the blond from the corner of their eyes to make sure he didn't suddenly decide to see if they were allergic to getting their necks slitted.

Naruto, as if sensing their unease, turned to them and smirked as he said,

"You know it's funny how life works ain't it? Both of you treat me like crap and now we get to go on missions all over the world where some of us might not make it back alive! Funny huh?"

The Uchiha, despite his better judgement, just scoffed and replied,

"Is that your idea of a threat loser?" The blond narrowed his painted eyes for a moment before saying,

"No, that's not my idea of a threat." Causing Sasuke to scoff once again. Suddenly the sound of something speeding through the air was heard and a kunai landed in Sasuke's left arm, embedding itself deeply.

"_That_ is my idea of a threat." Naruto said casually. Just then the door opened revealing a silver haired man with his headband cocked to the left covering his eye, and a mask covering the bottom of his face, leaving his right eye the only visible part of his face. Before the man could say anything a flurry of kunai knives headed straight for him. He quickly closed the door in time to block the attack. The man slowly opened the door to see a red streak heading toward him. He was quickly tackled to the ground and put in a headlock.

"WHO ARE YOU?! WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!" Naruto yelled into the man's ear as Sasuke and Sakura tried to pry him off the man. Once the manic blond was off him, the man stood up.

"Okay. My first impression of you is that, you're certifiable madman. Meet me on the roof." The jonin said as he looked the blond dead in the eye.

"_Flattery will get ya nowhere!_" Naruto said in a sing-song voice. They followed the man to the roof, as soon as Sasuke got the kunai out of his arm and had it bandaged. After telling them to introduce themselves, followed by a demonstration in which he only really told them his name, Kakashi pointed to Naruto to go first,

"Name's Naruto Uzumaki. My likes are ramen and old sitcoms. My dislikes include the time it takes for ramen to cook, squirrels, and when the voices in my head start arguing and leave me out of the conversation. My hobby is trying to invent a sword slingshot." The blond started, making Sasuke and Sakura move away a few inches from him.

"My dream is pretty simple. All I've ever wanted is to travel to far off exotic places, meet new and exciting people." Kakashi nodded, as it was the most normal thing the blond had said.

"And then kill them." Naruto finished, causing everyone to sweat drop. After Sakura, it was Sasuke's turn.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I dislike a lot of things and I don't particularly like anything. What I have is not a dream, it's and ambition. I'm going to restore my clan and destroy a certain someone." Sakura was staring at Sasuke, thinking of ways to make him her husband. Naruto just started laughing out loud at the Uchiha.

"Oooh! We got a man of mystery! The real mystery is how you get your hair to look like a duck's ass!" The red clad genin cackled out, clutching his gut. Sasuke glared at the blond, but wisely kept his mouth shut. Sakura however was not as smart.

"How dare you laugh at Sasuke-kun like that?! He could beat you no problem!" The pink haired harpy yelled in Naruto's face, her crush overcoming her common sense. The next thing she knew a sword was at her neck, slightly digging into her flesh and causing just a small trickle of blood.

"I can have you wishing you were dead within five minutes if I wanted." Naruto said, lazily looking at her. At this point Kakashi stepped in and said,

"All right tomorrow will be your final test. It's a make it or break it, pass or fail test to determine if you are fit to become genin. Oh, and the chance for failure is 66%. Also you might not want to eat anything for breakfast, since you'll just throw it up anyway. Meet at training ground 10 at 6:00."

And with that Kakashi left in a puff of smoke.

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	2. Chapter 2

The Kitsune with A Mouth

Naruto and all related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Deadpool and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics

* * *

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" Naruto exclaimed as he stood in Training Ground 10, Sakura and Sasuke standing a good yard away from him as he had the most verbal internal debate they had ever head.

**"Sure I do! I'm an all knowing yellow box! And I'm telling you the sooner you off those other two, the better off everyone in this series will be!_" _**Naruto heard a voice say, followed by seeing a floating yellow box with the same words the voice said on it.

"Maybe, but I got a plan for them that involves some hot wax and a waffle iron. It'll be hilarious!" The red clad blond said, just loudly enough for his teammates to hear. Needless to say they shuddered at the possibilities of what a warped brain like Naruto's could come up with.

Four hours later Kakashi showed up, and was met with glares from Sakura and Sasuke. Naruto, who had been talking to himself the entire time barely noticed jonin's presence.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR 4 HOURS!" The pink haired banshee screeched. Kakashi smiled and said,

"Sorry but I got lost on the road of life." Sakura just growled and yelled,

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?" Kakashi ignored her and said,

"Alright the test is simple. All you have to do is take these bells from me."

He held up 2 jingle bells and continued,

"You can use any and all jutsu you know and I warn you right now, if you aren't prepared to kill me you won't get these bells. If you fail to get them by noon you'll be tied to poles with out any lunch and forced to watch as I eat my lunch." As he finished, Sakura and Sasuke went into hiding in order to form a plan of attack. Naruto on the other decided to go for a different strategy.

"Time for a little game of Decapitate the Cyclops!" Naruto yelled in demented glee as he drew his butterfly swords, and charged. Kakashi stood still, now reading a little orange book. Naruto got in close, making rapid slashes and stabs, but Kakashi managed to dodge them all. After a moment Naruto flipped back and looked at the book Kakashi was reading.

"Aha! That book is the source of your power! My mission is clear: destroy that book with extreme prejudice!" The red clad lunatic exclaimed as disappeared in a puff of red smoke and then appeared in front of Kakashi, his attacks now focused solely on the book.

"Are you insane?!" Kakashi yelled, dropping his aloof persona as his most prized possession was now in danger.

"You'll need to talk to my psychiatrist about that, but he took an indefinite leave of absence." Naruto said, his sword coming dangerously close to Kakashi's book. The silver haired jonin kicked Naruto hard in the gut, sending him a couple of feet.

"I can't imagine why." Kakashi said, placing his book in his back pocket.

"It was either because I tied him up and force fed him meatloaf because he's a vegetarian, or because I blew up his office three times." The red swordsman said casually as he sheathed one is his swords and reached into his jacket, grabbing four kunai and throwing them straight for Kakashi. The jonin leaped out of the way, only for Naruto to teleport in front of him, swords at the ready.

Blocking with a kunai of his own, Kakashi asked,

"How do you blow up an office three times?" Naruto, still slashing wildly at the older male, simply replied,

"You know for a jonin, you're pretty dumb. I mean I thought _everyone_ knew how to blow up an office!"

* * *

From their positions in the trees, Sasuke and Sakura watched the battle.

"How can Naruto be this good? He's taking on a jonin like it was nothing!" Sakura wondered aloud in a hushed tone. Sasuke's thought's on the other hand were not quite along the same lines.

'How can that loser do it?! I've got to get him to train me, I don't care if he's an insane idiot!"

* * *

**"I've got the oddest feeling that Uchiha dope is gonna make things a lot easier for us in the torture area." **A yellow box said.

"Ya think so? Well the sooner I get done with Feather-Duster Hair here, the sooner Sasuke meets a new world of pain!" Naruto said suddenly, causing Kakashi to wonder who he was talking to. Suddenly the blond disappeared in a puff of red and reappeared behind the jonin. Kakashi felt cold steel enter his rear end and leaped up in pain.

"Aha! Got your book! Now it's powers shall be mine!" Naruto exclaimed in manic glee as he began to run into the forest, waving the little orange book in the air. Kakashi got up and ran after him, he wasn't about to let anyone get away with stealing his beloved book. Actually Naruto was the _first_ person to get the book away from him, but that was another story.

At this point, Sasuke jumped down, fuming because Naruto had not only bested their sensei so far, but because he also lead him off somewhere!

* * *

"Give me back that book! Do you know what the Hokage would do if he found out one of my students read that?! HE'D BAN ME FROM READING IT EVER AGAIN!" Kakashi shouted in a panic, his calm, cool, and collected self image long since shattered.

"Ah man! I should'a recognized the cover! I got the entire series at home." Naruto said disappointedly as he sat on a tree limb. He then drew his sword, ready to slice the book into confetti. Kakashi happened to see him leaped up to where he was sitting and said,

"Drop the book and no one gets hurt." Naruto looked lazily at him, his blade dangerously close to the book.

**"He REALLY wants that book. Looks like it's a good old fashioned hostage negotiation!" **A yellow box said, popping up next to Kakashi's head.

"Hostage negotiation? Great idea!" Naruto said, his blade now digging a little into the paper. Kakashi couldn't move, afraid of what might happen if he tried to force the book out of the blond's hands.

"Ooooh, this is that special collectors edition. The one with the two bonus stories right?" Naruto said, looking at the gold sticker on the cover.

"Yes. I had to special order that, they don't carry it here." The jonin said evenly, fantasizing about strangling the Uzumaki when this was over.

"I'll tell ya what. You let me and those two slackjaws pass and you get your porn back. Deal?" The red clad lunatic asked, his sword still on the the book.

"DEAL! Now give it back!" Kakashi said, despite himself.

"Oh, you'll get it back, just as soon as you head right to the Hokage's office and pass us." Naruto said, sawing the book with his blade slightly to drive the jonin over the edge.

"OKAY! I'm going!" Kakashi said as he ran off full speed to the Hokage Tower.

**"Ah, there's nothing more beautiful than the love between a man and his porn."** Another yellow box said as it popped up.

"Yeah. It hits you right here." Naruto said, touching his heart as he nodded thoughtfully. He then jumped up and smiled widely at the book.

"Bonus stories here I come!" The blond said as he flipped to the back of the book. However he was interrupted by Sasuke who just arrived.

"Where's Kakashi and what's that book?" The Uchiha asked as he looking Naruto dead in the eye as Sakura showed up.

"Yeah, what happened Naruto?" The pink haired banshee asked.

**"QUICK LIE! THEY WANT OUR PORN!" **A yellow box frantically said.**  
**

"Oh, he left to pass us. Apparently we, um, had to get the bells AND the book to pass, so here ya go." Naruto said as he tossed a bell to Sasuke.

"Why'd you get the bells for us?" Sakura asked.

"Because I want you two to pass so we can get some quality time together!" Naruto said, a manic smile on his face which did a good job terrifying the other two.

"Say Sasuke, how do you feel about waffle irons?" Naruto said, escorting his new teammates out of the training ground.

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	3. Chapter 3

The Kitsune with A Mouth

Naruto and all related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Deadpool and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics

* * *

Sasuke, Sakura, Zabuza, and Haku awoke in a darkly lit warehouse. All four were duct-taped, chained, and from the stickiness they felt on their backs were also glued to the chairs as well. Upon further inspection all four discovered they had their hands glued together as well. They also had their mouths tapped shut and apparently had what felt like a pair of socks that hadn't been washed for three months. Suddenly the lights of the warehouse were turned on, blinding them for a moment, before they saw a blond haired boy with black ovals painted around his eyes in a red and black attire sitting on a stool five feet away from them. He also had Zabuza's sword on his back and a guitar in his hands. Memories all came flooding back to them as they remembered encountering the blond's team. Zabuza and Haku had been hired to kill a bridge builder and encountered a team of Konoha ninja, this boy being among them. After that the rest was a blur of red.

"Hello, boys and girls" The blond said pleasantly as he tuned the guitar.

"I'm your old pal Naruto Uzumaki, but you can call me Deadpool." Naruto said idly as Zabuza and Haku turned their heads to look at each other, then to Sasuke and Sakura, completely lost as to what was going on. The Konoha-nin just shrugged, just as lost as their fellow hostages were.

"I _was_ gonna kill ya, but you both look like you're good people. So I just killed your employer and took all the money, no need to thank me." Naruto said as both Kiri-nin glared daggers at him.

"Ah, don't worry I made sure the midget went extremely painfully. I finally got to use that waffle iron trick I wanted to use on my dickhead of an Uchiha teammate, but since that would've killed him and the penalty for killing a teammate without just cause is life I had to settle for short-stuff." The blond said as Zabuza and Haku were really wishing he had just killed them since they were now more scared of his insane rambling and the possibilities of what he'd do instead, while Sasuke and Sakure glared at the "dickhead" insult.

"As for my dear teammates, I don't think we've fully bonded as a team. And what better way to bond than with a sing-a-long?"

At this point the no one was sure whether to be scared or annoyed or both.

"This is a song about a whale. NO! This is a song about being happy!" Naruto began as he strummed the guitar a few times.

"That's right, it's the happy, happy, joy, joy, song! Sing along!

Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy, joy!"

Naruto sang as he danced around happily, strumming his guitar in a repetitive tune, before stopping abruptly.

"I don't think you're happy enough." Naruto said as he walked up and looked Haku right in the eyes.

"That's right, I'll teach you to be happy." The red clad genin said as he swapped his gaze to Zabuza.

"I'll teach your grandmothers to suck eggs!" Naruto exclaimed as he walked back over to his stool and sat down again.

"Now, boys and girls, let's try it again." The insane genin said in an annoyed tone as he began to sing once again.

"Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy, joy!"

Suddenly Naruto got up and ran over to Sasuke, knocking him over and jumping harshly down onto his chest, crouching down and looking him directly in the eyes.

"IF'N YOU AIN'T THE GRANDDADDY OF ALL LIARS!" He yelled right in the Uchiha's face as he then jumped off and sat Sasuke back up. He made a Shadow Clone to continue playing the guitar as he rubbed his hands together.

"Think of the little critters of nature. They don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee." The original Naruto said happily as he turned and walked back to his stool. Suddenly he turned and pulled out a crossbow then shot it at Sasuke's shoulder.

"I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me!" Naruto exclaimed as he ran over to Sasuke.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!" The red clad blond yelled hysterically as he shook Sasuke violently. Suddenly he stopped and made twenty more Shadow Clones who all began to sing.

"Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
Happy, happy, joy, joy  
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!"

And the grand finish came when Naruto dispelled the clones and leaped in front of his captives before finishing in a loud and off-key tone

"Happy, happy, joy, joy, jooooooooooooooooooooy!"

Naruto then whacked his guitar across Sakura and Sasuke's heads, knocking them both over and out, and smashing it to pieces.

"THANK YOU NAMI NO KUNI, GOODNIGHT!" The manic blond yelled as he then disappeared in a puff of red smoke. While still trapped, the two conscious hostages both thought the same thing.

_'What the hell was that?'_


End file.
